These Words shared by My Father Which Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience soon became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You need support. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a wider failure to communicate among men, who often hold onto damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It's not a sign of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a respite - spending a couple of days overseas, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "bad decisions" when younger to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, tell a family member, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, staying active and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."