🔗 Share this article Navigating my Desire for Spontaneous Intimacy While Pursuing a Committed Partnership Being a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved casual sex. Every time I start to date a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men once more. Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that many homosexual males engage in open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, often resulting in significant heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire a partner to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost. Every person’s sexual journey varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate various forms of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet a person offering a life-changing chance for you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Try to be present in your relationships, and recognize the worth of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know. The psychotherapist practices as a American psychotherapist who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.