Evening Personalities Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Late-night's top hosts devoted their airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's just announced visa initiative, dubbed the "gold card," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical Christmas jingle targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... destroys all he touches."

The focus was the controversial initiative which enables international individuals to buy U.S. residence for the price of one million dollars, or "platinum" version for 5 million. The program's page guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"A quick message here to rich foreigners: before you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the card is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals truly are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow rich overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval ratings amid financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to tackle affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of food items, and reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing right-leaning media defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.